Holy Cow

It's been so long since I blogged I find myself incapable of beginning in any coherent fashion... I mean, it's been a while hasn't it? Don't really know exactly why it is I stopped blogging... It's not that I didn't think about it. Mind you, it was usually really late right before I fell asleep and I'd think about something to say, but apathy just seemed to take over and nothing got done. I started a few posts, which will now never see the light of day, but just couldn't find it in me to finish them. I think maybe I'm developing severe ADD or something... Not that I can't concentrate. All I've been thinking about these last few weeks is SNOWBOARD SEASON IS ALMOST HERE. And yes, I have been thinking about it in bold, italicized, rainbow-coloured capital letters. I really don't know what to say, my obsessions rarely last longer than a year or so. Except for my travel/photography/kayaking/tai chi obsessions. Those seem to be terminal cases. In any case. I have a new goal in life folks: I am going (how I'm not entirely sure) to snowboard my way around the world. I figure I can kill three obsessive birds with this stone: travel, photography and of course, risking life and limb sliding down ridiculously steep snow-covered surfaces with both feet strapped to a slab of fiber-whatever it is they make snowboards out of these days. I have half-assedly planned my route: Start the season at home (hidden motivation: not to miss Christmas with the family -guaranteed to make me happy to be on the road for several months) and make a quick detour through the States. Then Europe starting west in Scotland (I have this vision -granted probably completely unrealistic- of hottie scotties boarding in kilts) and working my way east across Andorra, France, Switzerland, Italy, Austria, Turkey and the like, before heading into Asia. Russia, Kazakhstan, India (sweet Buddha, how I love that country), China, Hokkaido... A short break back home just to remind me why it is I love to travel and then head way south: Chile, Argentina, Australia and New Zealand... Now I just need to find funds for my trip. Personally I think it would make a pretty rocking reality show: "Solomon Slip-Slides Around the World". The tagline could be "How many concussions will it take before permanent obvious, lasting brain damage sets in? Tune in next week..."

Well. I guess that's it. Nothing more to add. Except, I bought a new boarding jacket off ebay today. Pretty psyched about that. And I'm buying a banana board in time for Mt. Washington to open... I have no really good pics to put up, and certainly nothing relating to snowboarding my way around the world, so I'll put up one of my favourite photos from this past year...

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A Rant to Start the Year

So... I recently finished reading the Twilight series of books. I'd never even heard of them before the movie, so I guess I'm a little behind the times on the mass "Edward and Bella" hysteria thing, but really that's not a surprise... I saw a trailer for the movie, decided that people leaping from one tree to another looked cool and went to go see a vampire movie in an actual theatre (usually vampire films are saved for the brightest, sunniest, happiest days of summer). In any case. I guess the theatre's descriptive label of "Horror/Romance" should have tipped me off.. It was pretty bad... I mean, it wasn't supposed to be a comedy was it? Distasteful teenage angst aside (self-absorbed teenagers with an over-inflated sense of the importance of their little dramas make me want to spew chunks), the movie was filled with really awkward-funny moments like this one:

I mean, these are supposed to be the cool, beautiful people. He looks like someone who should be riding the short bus. And she looks like she's wondering why the hell she got stuck with him.

In any case. I did read the books. Can't really say why, I have no excuses whatsoever... They suck you in, makes it hard to put them down... Ignoring the total deus ex machina near the end of the last book, there's one thing that really pissed me off about them. Can someone tell me how is it even vaguely acceptable that these vampires go around killing animals like mountain lions and grizzlies? I mean really, these are seriously endangered species in some areas. And does it not mess with the entire ecology of an area to kill off the apex predators? Just how many grizzlies and mountain lions can there possibly be running around on the Olympic Peninsula? Couldn't the vampires just eat deer? What the hell, they'd be doing the entire globe a favour by feeding on humans... After all we are as a species overpopulating the planet and destroying the environment beyond any hope of redemption. A little vampiric population control might actually be in order...

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A Change in Weather

God it's been a long fall.  It feels like it hasn't stopped raining for years, possibly decades.  Say what you will about not having to shovel rain.  Anyone who says that obviously hasn't had to spend much time raking wet, rotting leaves off the lawn...  And really, that's about all I've been doing lately, that and walking the dogs in the incessant rain.  But hey, things are looking up.  I think I actually saw a star tonight when I was shutting the ducks up for the night.  Maybe it's safe to stop construction on that Ark for the time being...

Meanwhile, back at the ranch,  my most un-favourite time of year is hastening it's way towards me.  Yep, it's that time of year again.  Christmas.  Bleh.  I ventured into the attic today to fetch down my old dollhouse which this year is being refurbished and gifted to my nieces.  I give it two weeks before they trash it...  But I digress.  While I was up there, tripping over the detritus of my family's life I grew a wild hair and decided that maybe, just maybe, we should ditch some of the junk.  I decided to get rid of some of the old sports equipment we'd used as kids.  No one, anywhere, ever, is going to want size 13 ski boots that were probably second hand when we used them 30 years ago.  So I gathered together several impossibly small ski boots and tossed them.  Along with dozens of unused boxes and bags.  My best find of the day:  5 million pairs of skates.  I shit you not.  This is all the more surprising because I skate like I have seven legs all trying to go in different directions.  It is not a pretty sight.  And I'm pretty sure that my brothers aren't much better. But maybe it's a good thing I've found them, because hell is freezing over in Canada.  It seems likely that next week our current government will be defeated by a non-confidence vote and our country will be led by a coalition between all the other parties in parliament.  It's been a pretty entertaining to watch the minority government scrambling to save their sorry asses.  I hope they don't.  Because in a coalition government people would actually have to work together and listen to each other.  It's almost as good as proportional representation.  Plus, there's the whole irony of being led, in part, by a bunch of separatists.  How awesome is that?  And people say that Canadian politics are boring...

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It's All Care's Fault

Really I should be sleeping, as tomorrow starts at 4 a.m. and I'm already three weeks worth of severely sleep deprived, but I thought I'd check out Care's blog and somehow I ended up doing this as a result...  Thanks Care, that was several minutes worth of amusing.  And now I really must go to bed.

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How Stupid Do You Think I Am, Anyways???

I guess I should preface this whole thing by saying that the title is a rhetorical question, so for the sake of my rather delicate ego, please don't answer. I'm pretty sure that I've already ranted about chain emails a time or two, so I'm sorry to revisit this topic again, but I swear to Gitche Manitou it's only cause people keep sending me retarded emails. Just this morning, I got this little gem in my inbox:

Try this....

This is really freaky

MIND GAME

2% or 98%

This strange.... Can you figure it out?

are you the 2% or the 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! No peeking ahead!!!

Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow...

There's no trick or surprise. Just follow the instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can. Again as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them... really.

Now scroll down, but not too fast you might miss something.

Think of a number from 1 to 10

Multiply that number by 9.

If the number is a 2 digit number then add the 2 digits together.

Subtract 5.

Determine what letter of the alphabet corresponds with the number you ended up with.

Think of a country that starts with that letter.

Remember the last letter of that country's name.

Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.

Remember the last letter of that animal's name.

Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.

Are you thinking of an Kangaroo in Denmark eating an orange?

I told you this was FREAKY! If not you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with Kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise. Keep this message going, this one is actually worth sending on to others. Forward it to people you know to find out if they are usual or unusual.

So here's the thing. No matter what number you pick to begin with, you're always gonna end up with 9.

1x9=9

2x9=18; 1+8=9

3x9=27; 2+7=9

4x9=36; 3+6=9

etc.

etc.

So no matter what your original number, once you've done the math and subtracted the seemingly random 5 you end up with 4. Which of course leaves you with the letter D. And so far as I know, there are currently only 5 countries in the world that start with the letter D. What's the first that comes to your mind? Denmark, you say??? What a surprise!!! (And I say bonus points to you if you know the other 4 countries)

So here's what I have to say to whoever it is who devised this little "mind game":

Can I figure it out? Why yes, I do believe I did.

Am I the 2% or the 98%? Based on a world population of 6.6 billion my calculator tells me I am 1.51515152 x 10(to the power of) -10% of the population.

Am I usual or unusual? Well, the few friends I have think I'm pretty weird.

What really cheeses me off is that this is set up to be really clever and to make people feel stupid or ordinary or not special when they do think of kangaroos in Denmark eating oranges. And let's face it, none of us wants to feel as if we are only just ordinary.

Which, no doubt is the reason why the person who sent this to me somehow ended up thinking of yaks eating kiwis in Hungary. Which would suggest that they either have deplorable math skills, or they randomly picked a country other than Denmark after doing the quiz and coming up with the Danish, orange eating roo, all just so they wouldn't fall in the dreaded category of being "usual".

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