A Change in Weather

God it's been a long fall.  It feels like it hasn't stopped raining for years, possibly decades.  Say what you will about not having to shovel rain.  Anyone who says that obviously hasn't had to spend much time raking wet, rotting leaves off the lawn...  And really, that's about all I've been doing lately, that and walking the dogs in the incessant rain.  But hey, things are looking up.  I think I actually saw a star tonight when I was shutting the ducks up for the night.  Maybe it's safe to stop construction on that Ark for the time being...

Meanwhile, back at the ranch,  my most un-favourite time of year is hastening it's way towards me.  Yep, it's that time of year again.  Christmas.  Bleh.  I ventured into the attic today to fetch down my old dollhouse which this year is being refurbished and gifted to my nieces.  I give it two weeks before they trash it...  But I digress.  While I was up there, tripping over the detritus of my family's life I grew a wild hair and decided that maybe, just maybe, we should ditch some of the junk.  I decided to get rid of some of the old sports equipment we'd used as kids.  No one, anywhere, ever, is going to want size 13 ski boots that were probably second hand when we used them 30 years ago.  So I gathered together several impossibly small ski boots and tossed them.  Along with dozens of unused boxes and bags.  My best find of the day:  5 million pairs of skates.  I shit you not.  This is all the more surprising because I skate like I have seven legs all trying to go in different directions.  It is not a pretty sight.  And I'm pretty sure that my brothers aren't much better. But maybe it's a good thing I've found them, because hell is freezing over in Canada.  It seems likely that next week our current government will be defeated by a non-confidence vote and our country will be led by a coalition between all the other parties in parliament.  It's been a pretty entertaining to watch the minority government scrambling to save their sorry asses.  I hope they don't.  Because in a coalition government people would actually have to work together and listen to each other.  It's almost as good as proportional representation.  Plus, there's the whole irony of being led, in part, by a bunch of separatists.  How awesome is that?  And people say that Canadian politics are boring...

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It's All Care's Fault

Really I should be sleeping, as tomorrow starts at 4 a.m. and I'm already three weeks worth of severely sleep deprived, but I thought I'd check out Care's blog and somehow I ended up doing this as a result...  Thanks Care, that was several minutes worth of amusing.  And now I really must go to bed.

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How Stupid Do You Think I Am, Anyways???

I guess I should preface this whole thing by saying that the title is a rhetorical question, so for the sake of my rather delicate ego, please don't answer. I'm pretty sure that I've already ranted about chain emails a time or two, so I'm sorry to revisit this topic again, but I swear to Gitche Manitou it's only cause people keep sending me retarded emails. Just this morning, I got this little gem in my inbox:

Try this....

This is really freaky

MIND GAME

2% or 98%

This strange.... Can you figure it out?

are you the 2% or the 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! No peeking ahead!!!

Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow...

There's no trick or surprise. Just follow the instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can. Again as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them... really.

Now scroll down, but not too fast you might miss something.

Think of a number from 1 to 10

Multiply that number by 9.

If the number is a 2 digit number then add the 2 digits together.

Subtract 5.

Determine what letter of the alphabet corresponds with the number you ended up with.

Think of a country that starts with that letter.

Remember the last letter of that country's name.

Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.

Remember the last letter of that animal's name.

Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.

Are you thinking of an Kangaroo in Denmark eating an orange?

I told you this was FREAKY! If not you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with Kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise. Keep this message going, this one is actually worth sending on to others. Forward it to people you know to find out if they are usual or unusual.

So here's the thing. No matter what number you pick to begin with, you're always gonna end up with 9.

1x9=9

2x9=18; 1+8=9

3x9=27; 2+7=9

4x9=36; 3+6=9

etc.

etc.

So no matter what your original number, once you've done the math and subtracted the seemingly random 5 you end up with 4. Which of course leaves you with the letter D. And so far as I know, there are currently only 5 countries in the world that start with the letter D. What's the first that comes to your mind? Denmark, you say??? What a surprise!!! (And I say bonus points to you if you know the other 4 countries)

So here's what I have to say to whoever it is who devised this little "mind game":

Can I figure it out? Why yes, I do believe I did.

Am I the 2% or the 98%? Based on a world population of 6.6 billion my calculator tells me I am 1.51515152 x 10(to the power of) -10% of the population.

Am I usual or unusual? Well, the few friends I have think I'm pretty weird.

What really cheeses me off is that this is set up to be really clever and to make people feel stupid or ordinary or not special when they do think of kangaroos in Denmark eating oranges. And let's face it, none of us wants to feel as if we are only just ordinary.

Which, no doubt is the reason why the person who sent this to me somehow ended up thinking of yaks eating kiwis in Hungary. Which would suggest that they either have deplorable math skills, or they randomly picked a country other than Denmark after doing the quiz and coming up with the Danish, orange eating roo, all just so they wouldn't fall in the dreaded category of being "usual".

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Hey Diddle Diddle

Hey diddle diddle

The cat took a piddle

The cow walked out of the room

The little dog barfed and turned out the light

While grandma belched out a tune...

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Can't Hardly Wait

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Mr. Yellow Sexy Boots

Well. I guess I should start out by wishing everyone a happy Canada Day, although I have to say that as a Canadian overt displays of patriotism make me feel kinda... Uh... I dunno, unpatriotic? Uncomfortable at the very least.  Still, it should probably be said.  I think I blogged last year on Canada Day and said nothing about it except to whinge about Stephen Harper which, when you get right down to it, is probably one of the great unifying factors of our nation.  That and complaining about Toronto. In any case, got other stuff to go on about now so I guess I'm done with the whole Canada thing.  I finished school last week with the second highest portfolio grade in the class, missed top spot by .5%.  Maybe I should have put more effort into it.  But still, when all is said and done I think my portfolio was the most creative and original in the class so I'm not too worried about it.  Now to find a job...  I moved back home on Saturday, which was traumatic to say the least.  I fit everything in my little blue civic except my bike (thank you Kim and Paul for the loan of garage space for that one) and my old snowboard boots, which I just plain forgot.  My car was so full I couldn't see out any windows except the front one, although things seemed to settle a bit as I drove along.  I really didn't want to leave Comox, and I'm having a hard time geting back into the swing of things here in Deroche.  Guess I'm just gonna have to find work and quit feeling sorry for myself.  Still first chance I get, I'm moving back to the island...  I'm gonna try to go there for the winter just so I can snowboard, although as is the case with most of my plans, that'll probably fall through.  Still, you gotta follow your dreams, right?  Or maybe you gotta pay your bills...  Can't remember which it is.  In any case.  Thought I'd post a few random videos and photos from my last Tofino trip, just for the sake of interest.  I'll start with Mr Yellow Sexy Boots.  I put this on youtube last night, with the tags BC, Boots and Tofino and it's already been commented on by some random stranger.  Which really makes me wonder how the hell they found it in the first place.  In any case... I'll shut up now.  

Presenting Mr Yellow Sexy Boots:

And now for video footage of the drive:

And Jackie, at Dana's after grad:

And just for shits and giggles, Tyler pumping up my air mattress (I only promised not to put it on facebook):

And on a slightly sadder note, my final trip up Curtis Road:

 

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Catching Rainbows

O.k. So I haven't blogged in a long, long time. People are actually starting to complain. Well, complain might in fact be too strong a word, but it has been noticed and commented upon by two or three of my six quasi regular readers. That's right folks, you read it correctly, six quasi regular readers. My stock's going up in the world. Speaking of worlds you are no doubt all desperately curious to know what's been happening in mine. The answer, as always, is not really very much. And as always, you're gonna get a rundown anyways. What the hell, I've got ten minutes before I leave for the bright lights of the big city of Nanaimo.... Quit laughing and pick yourself up of the floor. Yes I'm going to Nanaimo tonight to see the new Indiana Jones movie. And compared to Comox, Nanaimo is pretty fecking thrilling. That's how dull my life is. I've accepted it, and kindly request that you do the same.  No need for any comments along the lines of  "you need to get a life..."

So here's what's happened to me since my concussion in no particular order:

• I rolled my boat in the surf. It was fun. And slightly scary. Which in retrospect is probably why it was fun.
• I caught some weird flu bug when I came back to Comox from Deroche. I couldn't eat anything for 5 days. It sucked.
• I argued vehemently with Paul Bailey.
• I caught a rainbow.
• I got rather intoxicated at Dana's and rode my bike home. On the way back I stopped and had a conversation with a deer. He ignored me.
• I attempted to play the bagpipes. Dana's dog tried to run away from home. Coincidence? Who could ever say for sure?
• I have spent at least a dozen hours of my life listening to Mr "let me tell you all about ME" in class. That's 12 hours of my life I'll never get back.
• I have discovered, thanks to Tyler (all bow down before Tyler), the free bubble shooter game on the internet. My new dream is that from now on, all of Blair's classes will be in the computer lab so I can play this instead of pretending to listen to him. Really I shouldn't be so mean. He's a good teacher. Honest. I am a bad person. BAD.
• I got my pictures in the front window of the Muir Gallery in Courtenay. Because I rock. Also because no one else really wanted that spot. But I did have to fight Paul Bailey in order to get it. So it still feels like a victory.

So that's about it. My ten minutes are up. The bright lights of Nanaimo and a geriatric Indy beckon...

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An Injury for March

Like most other people out there, I'd like to believe that I am making progress of some sort or another in my life.  Sadly, the older I get the more I find my self repeating the same cycle over and over ad nauseum.  I thought I'd made a big leap forward in the past twelve months.  Afterall, I finally came to the realization that I was not cut out for office work, or tour guiding work, or social work (as it turns out possibly not cut out for work of any sort).  In any case.  I guess what I'm trying to say is I've made some huge changes in my life, and you would think it would follow that as a result I would break free of past cycles.  Except, apparently not.  I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure that last year, just about this exact time, I was sitting down to type out a blog about my repeatedly sprained left ankle.  I'm happy to report my left ankle is just fine folks.  The swelling never did go away completely, but whatever.  I'm happy enough that it's functional and supports all my weight without any pain.  So no sob story about sprains.  Oh no.  This year I'd like to tell you the tale of a how I twisted my knee and concussed myself, all in the same 48 hour period...  So.  Last Thursday I head up the mountain, all glad that it was snowing and having a grand old time.  Sure, I couldn't see more than two feet in front of me, but I actually think that's why I was nailing all my turns (I couldn't see down the impossibly steep mountain, therefore I was not afraid to point my snowboard towards certain doom).  All went well until I tried to get on the Whiskey jack chair for another run down the hill, at which point in time I somehow managed to spin around so I was facing the chair as it sped towards me.  I had visions of missing teeth and fractured jaws, but I managed to recover my footing.  Mostly.  My board caught in the snow and I twisted my knee rather painfully.  Thus ended what otherwise would have been a perfect night of boarding.  I was pretty gimpy the next day so I took Friday as a day of rest, ignoring Tyler's advice to "ride it off" (I'm pretty sure that only works when you're nineteen years old).  Still, Saturday rolled around and I was feeling pretty good, so off I went.  I was doing pretty good, trying to get in as many runs as possible before heading to the college art show. I check my watch, 7:30.  Time for two more runs.  I decide the green run's probably best, I can work on my turns.  I ignore the man standing outside the Mountain Tek yelling at his son to "shut the hell up and get over here", crank my ipod, strap on my board, and I'm off...  All goes well for about 50 metres.  I turn around, catch an edge, fall.  And holy feckin' shit I hit the ground like a ten megaton nuclear bomb, right on my head.  God it hurt.  Cringe.  I empty my stomach (so glad I stopped at McShits on the way up), and slowly, slowly, sit up.  Pretty sure I'm swearing a blue streak by this point in time. And there up at the top of the trail is the family who'd been shouting at one another as I left, all standing around and staring at me.  Bastards just turn around and leave.  So I take off my helmet and check for any obvious dents or holes in the back of my skull, unstrap my board, limp back to the car. Somehow manage to take my boots off.  Get in the driver's seat and flip open my phone to check the time. Realise I can read it with my right eye only.  7:44 p.m.  I try again with my left eye, it reads 7: 4, a bright white spot obliterates the middle of anything I look at.  But I figure what the hell, I can see good enough out of my right eye, I can do this. I set off down the mountain, the lights from the ski runs leaving jagged, flashy trails of red and blue light across my vision.  So I go slowly, and it takes me a good 40 minutes to make a 20 minute drive.  I head straight to the clinic only to find it's closed, but since the supermarket's right there and I'm out of milk, I make a little stop.  Buy the milk, get some pineapple juice (an impulse buy that made perfect sense at the time), and decide that I should also check out the art show, since I went to the trouble of submitting a couple of pieces.  Run into a few classmates, but can't stand the god awful noise and light of the place so I leave.  In the parking lot I run into an old teacher and his wife, and after a rather confused conversation with them I decide that really I should go to the hospital.  So I do, only to sit there for two hours, trapped in the noisy hell that all emergency wards seem to be.  Doctor threatens to keep me overnight, so I lie, tell him I'm going to a friend's.  At this point in time I'd be happy to die if only it means I don't have to listen to the other patients and the nurses...  Worst moment of the night:  I phone my mother, tell her what's happened.  Listen to her say "I told you so".  Not in so many words, but you get my drift...  I'm happy to say I'm on the mend.  Tired all the time, still have a headache and the occasional moment of vertigo, it hurts to laugh, or cough... Sneezing is excruciatingly painful.  But still.  At least I can see out of my left eye again.  And I'm looking forward to the weekend.  Another chance to go boarding.  I thought it only appropriate that for this post's picture I feature the helmet that probably saved my life.  I don't think I would have walked away from this one if I hadn't been wearing it. Best $33.00 I ever spent in my life.  Never mind that when I wear it I look like I should be riding the short bus...

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A Post for February

So.... Once again it would seem that I have let my blogging slide. I really have no excuse, all sorts of interesting things have happened in my world recently. Why, just last week I went for coffee at a Paintball business, where we were served by a singing, one-legged man who barked like a dog. No word of a lie. No doubt my four quasi-regular readers must be wondering why I haven't written in so long. I suppose there are any number of reasons. For one, I've been busy writing something else, a work of fiction (gasp!). Not too sure where it all came from, never mind where it's going but it is consuming the time I would normally reserve for this blog. Also there is my whole snowboarding obsession to consider. Now that I've bought a season's pass for night boarding I feel compelled to go every night I can. Need to get my money's worth you understand. Overwhelmingly though, I think I've come down with a case of terminal apathy. Though maybe not, as I am apparently still capable of feeling jealousy. Like for example, several people I know are right now, as I type this, off wandering the globe in exotic-sounding locales. Dammit. It's just not fair... So I'm sure you all get why it is that I haven't been writing. Oh yeah, and school. Quite busy with that too. I'm actually writing this in class... Very poor form that. I should go. Adding a random picture for visual interest.

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Oh My Aching Arse

When I decided to take up snowboarding everyone I told warned me it was going to be a painful experience.   They were wrong.  Despite countless spills and scrapes I always felt pretty decent after boarding.  Until Friday, which turned out to be a banner day for wrecking things.  The first thing I hurt was my poor sorry arse which took such a bruising that I am still today sitting on a cushion.  I hit the ground so hard I got an instant headache, even though my melon didn't touch the ground.  I tell you, that's just not right.  72 hours later I still have a headache, nothing too bad but it's just not going away.  I think I gave myself whiplash.  Just to put this whole thing in perspective for you (yes my four quasi-regular readers I am addressing this blog to you) I was at the bottom of the ruddy bunny hill when it happened.  Then, to make the night complete, I somehow managed to rip the bottom of my left boot, I think when I skidded to a very fast halt in an attempt not to flatten some schmuck who had the great misfortune of falling on their arse right in front of me.  I somehow ended up standing on the back edge of the board on one foot.  I had no idea my board could bend like that...  So now I have to find a new pair of boots to go with my click-in bindings...  I'm feeling very sorry for myself...  But still looking forward to heading back up the mountain as soon as possible.  Hopefully I can get new boots by Thursday.

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A New Obsession for 2008

People often criticize me for being obsessive.  I rarely say anything to them about it, but it kind of bugs me.  First off, it's my life, and I'll live it the way I please thank you very much. Secondly, just because they might happen to be  jaded and bitter about the world that surrounds them doesn't mean that I have to be (and you'd think they'd notice that I was nice enough not to point out their lack of enthusiasm, but no).  Maybe it's just that when I do something I do it with all my energy.  Whatever.  There is a point to all of this.  I have found a new obsession to go along with the new year: snowboarding.  I really can't explain it because at any given moment (if I stop to think about it) I am terrified by the thought of sliding down a mountain with both feet strapped to a single board.  So every time I arrange to go up the mountain with someone I have to psych myself up.  And then there I am, sliding down the mountain at an incredibly high rate of speed still totally, completely freaked out of my mind.  And inevitably I fall, usually on my ass (so far my all time coolest trick is to fall on my ass, do a backwards somersault, stand up and keep going), but sometimes right on my face, and on one memorable occasion rolling sideways down the hill, which is somewhat less fun than one might imagine when you take into consideration the fact that I had 149 cms of fiberglass and wood attached to my feet. Still, the pain of those moments is fleeting, and I get back up and keep on heading down the mountain. And I always have an awesome time.  So much so that I really wonder why it is I waited until now to learn to do this.  It could only have been easier if I'd started 10 years ago.  On a bit of an aside, learning to snowboard was a 2007 New Year's resolution.  I might be 12 months late, but I'm finally getting it done.  In the hopes that 2009 will bring another breakthrough of a similar sort I hereby resolve that 2008 will be the year I get into disgustingly great shape, find a dream job as a travel photographer, meet the man of my dreams and win an obscene amount of money on the Super7 or 649 (which I realize will require that I actually buy tickets).  Oh, and I resolve to be nicer to everyone too, even if they bug me. Look out 2009. Here I come.

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Happy New Year, I Guess...

Another day, another dollar. Happy New Year to my three quasi-regular readers. I extend sympathies to those of you who spent the end of the old year sick with flu and the like. I myself have been disgustingly healthy, despite an overindulgence in holiday sweet stuff and what has by now become a massive sleep debt (made possible by the generous support of Mackenzie. Thank you Mackenzie). But anyways. I'm back on the island, oddly enough I heard someone playing that old Baha Men song "Back to Island" while I was waiting at the ferry terminal on New Year's day (you know, it goes: "Wake up early one morning kiss my mama goodbye, going back to the island I say, don't worry mama don't cry". Or something like that). A truly twilight zone kind of moment. I had big plans to go snowboarding today, but I crashed yesterday when I got out of class, slept in this morning and as a result my snowboard is still in need of a wax job. Plus it's storming outside, and despite the fact my place is smaller than a squashed shoebox I feel very disinclined to go outside or really even open the blinds.  So here I sit in my dark abode, typing away at the computer again...
I don't know about you folks, but I have as yet to make any New Year's resolutions. Not that there aren't any number of self-improvements that I should be making, it's just that I have been seized by apathy. Maybe it's a hangover from spending so much time with family. Christmas day aside it was good to be home, but if I could do over again I would go to Deroche later in the month, and return here earlier... Things did improve after Christmas, slowly but surely. Of course, they would have been hard pressed to get any worse. Christmas 2007 is the first time in my life when I said I wanted to kill a child and actually meant it with every single fiber of my being...  Not that I would ever hurt a child. But for a while there, I totally got people who drown their children in a fit of madness.
In any case... Starting to feel bitter again, so it's probably best to let that particular dog go back to sleep... It would seem that I have once again written a blog about absolutely nothing (is anyone else starting to sense a pattern here?). I'll add a random picture for visual interest, in case this absolutely riveting entry fails to grip you all on it's own...

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