A Movie Review (Or Two) for December

One of the things I really love about Christmas is the seasonal proliferation of movies. I watch far more than can possibly be healthy for me even when there's absolutely nothing good playing, so December really is one of my favourite movie-going months. Last week I went to see two very different movies, Avatar and Invictus. I've been looking forward to seeing Avatar since I first saw the trailer a few months back. I mean, blue people, how cool is that? I hate going to see a movie for the first time if I already know what's going to happen, so I didn't bother following the online hype. I enjoyed the movie for the most part, although at the end of the day I prefer a film that doesn't bash me over the head repeatedly with sanctimonious morals. I mean I think we all (except for a few square-headed oil execs who will no doubt all move to Mars once global warming destroys Earth) get that corporate greed and the wholesale destruction of the environment is evil... And that we'd all do well to remember that we depend upon our environment and as such should care for it. I gotta say though, our society has long (and erroneously might I add) romanticized aboriginal cultures and portrayed them as all that is good and pure. I hate to break it to you folks, but it just ain't true. And I couldn't help but think as I sat there in the theatre (munching popcorn that was likely grown in another country and harvested with very large machines) that at the end of the show most people there would be hopping into their fossil fuel dependent vehicles and driving off to their energy inefficient homes. I mean let's face it: we are all part of the problem. Not to put too fine a point on it.... And on a totally different note, the one thing that came close to completely wrecking the whole movie was one tiny inconsistency: near the beginning of the movie one of the characters makes a remark about the "jungles" in Venezuela, then later in the movie another character states that there is nothing green left on their (the humans') planet. Well which is it? You can't have it both ways... You'd think with all the millions of dollars sunk into this movie that somebody, somewhere along the way would have picked up on this. My mind gets stuck on stupid little things like that, it pulls me right out of the movie. Still, the special effects made up for a pretty thin plot. Invictus was another kettle of fish altogether. Based on true (or so they say) events, it tells the story of how Nelson Mandela fostered unity in South Africa by convincing the captain of South Africa's national rugby team (the Springbokke) that they could win the Rugby World Cup. Which they then did in 1995, against all odds. And in doing so they did unite their country, at least in that one matter at that one moment in time. The first part of the movie (which concentrates on Mandela's story) was brilliant. The rest devolves into a sports movie, but overall it was a very moving and well told story. What I liked best about the movie was that it was a reminder that change is possible, that we are all the masters of our own destiny and perhaps most important of all, that forgiveness will set us free. Plus it has one of my most favouritest songs ever: Shosholoza. So. Here's my verdict. If you want to see Avatar, then go see it in a theatre unless you have a massive-screen t.v. at home. I mean the story's pretty schmaltzy, but it's a big-screen kinda movie. That is, if you don't mind pietistic Hollywood movies... As for Invictus: Go see it. Do it. It'll make you feel good about being human... And that's something Avatar can't do.

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Tire

I know, I know. Having blogged but a handful of times all year, I'm posting yet another recipe. I probably should start a separate blog for this. After all, this blog is about me, not food. But what can I say? My life largely revolves around food these days. I actually have nightmare dreams about slicing and dicing and veggies...

In any case. The following is a recipe for Tire (pronounced "teeerrrr" -roll those r's), a French-Canadian candy sent by Gitche Manitou himself. I'm not kidding, it really was. There is a legend about Nanabojo (the trickster) who was sent by Gitche Manitou amongst the people. It used to be that you could tap a maple and get quality syrup straight from the tree, but when Nanabojo saw the people getting fat off the syrup and doing nothing to prepare for winter he watered down the sap and made it hard work to make maple syrup. Good on you Nanabojo, that'll teach those layabouts. Oh wait, that's my ancestors I'm talking about... In any case. Tire is a pulled candy, so if you've never made pulled candy here's a link to a vid to show you how: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8qFtx3ydvA . I've never actually watched the whole thing (it's four minutes long and I don't have that kind of attention span...), but I'm sure it'll give you some idea. The only vaguely specialized piece of equipment you will need to make this recipe is a candy thermometer, which shouldn't set you back more than a few bucks. So without further ado, here's the ingredients:

• 1/2 cup of maple syrup
• 1/4 cup of corn syrup
• 1 1/4 cups of sugar
• 6 tbsp of water (you already know how I feel about chlorine...)
• pinch of salt
• pinch of baking soda
• 1/2 cup of heavy cream
• 2 tbsp butter cut into bits, unsalted. Or you can skip adding the pinch of salt and used salted butter, your call...

And here's the method:

1. You will need a large heatproof surface to work the candy on. The countertop will do if you clean it well first (wash off those chemicals though, unless you want them in your candy) and don't mind getting it all oily and/or sticky. Or you can use a marble slab if you have one. Either way, oil or butter (I use butter) the surface really well.
2. You will also need a well buttered heat-proof spatula or bench knife to work the candy and a pair of well buttered scissors to cut the candy once it's done.
3. Line a large baking sheet with parchment. Butter it and set it aside.
4. Reduce the half cup of maple syrup to 1/4 cup in a 3-4 quart pot, over low heat. This should take about 10 minutes. I never re-measure to make sure it's a 1/4 cup on account of my laziness, I just time it. And look, cause you can see it getting thicker...
5. Once it is reduced, add the corn syrup, sugar, water, salt and soda. Increase heat to medium and stir until the sugar dissolves. Continue to cook without stirring until the mixture reads 235°F on a candy thermometer.
6. Add the butter and cream, stirring once or twice to evenly distribute it, then continue to cook without stirring until the thermometer reaches 255°F. Remove the pan from the heat immediately and pour onto your oiled worksurface.
7. Let the candy sit for a couple of minutes, then using your oiled bench knife, flip the edges in towards the middle. Keep doing this until it is cool enough to work with your hands.
8. Butter your hands well, and keep more butter close at hand as the candy is still very hot and you really don't want it sticking to you. Grab the candy with both hands, pull it apart into a rope-like blob, then fold it back on itself, putting the two ends together. Keep doing this, it will gradually harden and turn lighter shade of golden brown.
9. When it begins to harden, roll it into a log about 20" long on your oiled surface. Cut into four pieces of equal size. Working quickly (as it is now starting to set) stretch and /or roll each piece until it is about 1/4" thick.
10. Using a pair of well buttered scissors cut the candy into bite size pieces. Put the candy pieces on the baking sheet and let them harden. Wrap the candy in bits of wax paper (I usually let it sit a few hours before I do this to let it really harden) or put it into an airtight container between layers of parchment paper. Enjoy, but do be careful of any fillings you might have and try not to eat it all at once, you'll go into diabetic shock.

So there you have it, homemade candy the Canadian way... I know the thought of home made candy is a bit overwhelming, but trust me it's so way better than anything you can buy. This recipe is easier than most because you don't even have to stir. It's candy-making for the lazy-assed.

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Soupe Savoyarde

So.... Recipes... Kinda put my foot in it haven't I? Now I have to actually provide recipes.... Dang it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not all secretive about recipes I use. It's more sort of I don't actually use them all that often. To make things worse, I usually cook in gargantuan quantities... I'm pretty good at predicting how much soup I'll need to feed 50 people, but I'm going on the assumption that you (yes my quasi regular readers this recipe is for you!) will not actually want to make soup by the gallon... I suppose I could test the smaller recipe, but I'm just gonna wing it. Really it's more fun this way isn't it? Isn't it? So here goes nothing....

Soupe Savoyarde is my most favouritest Fall/Winter soup ever. You can find recipes for it all over the place, so if you're super-chicken about trying an untested recipe I suppose you could look it up elsewhere. Here's what you need ingredients-wise:

• 1 turnip of medium size, peeled and diced. I favour yellow-flesh turnips. I suspicion they may be called rutabagas in other corners of the world...
• 3 large-ish potatoes, peeled and diced. Russets are nice but not necessary.
• 1 medium to large sized celeriac (celery root) peeled and diced or you can use celery (1 bunch, chopped) if you must. But it's awesomer with celeriac, so make a little effort k? Try the organic food store if you can't find it elsewhere.
• 2 biggish leeks, thinly sliced.
• 1 biggish onion, chopped.
• 1.5-2 quarts of stock. Which, if you want the soup to taste any good at all, you will make yourself. Relax, I'll tell you how.
• A quantity of hard white cheese (so cheddar, gruyere, parmesan which you personally have grated and that has not been sitting all dessicated in a green kraft jar since the beginning of time all work well).
• Homemade croutons, or if you're all lazy like me, some rounds of french bread sliced and toasted.
• Completely optional, but incredibly tasty, some nice streaky bacon. Mmmmm, bacon.
• If you're anti bacon, and let's admit it, there are a lot of reasons to hop on the pig-free wagon, use butter instead.
• 2 cups of milk.

And here's the method part of this recipe.

To make the stock you need a pot large enough to hold 8-10 cups of water plus a whack of vegetable matter. Put in the pot, in no particular order:

• 8-10 cups of cold water. Preferably not all full of chlorine, but it's your soup, so do what you want.
• The dark green ends of the 2 leeks
• The peelings from the turnips and the celeriac. Or if you're using celery instead, toss in a couple of stalks and the leafy bits from the centre.
• A carrot if you have it. But if you don't it's not essential.
• The outer skins from the onion. And maybe another small onion chopped in half. The outer skins are gonna make your stock a nice pretty colour, so even if you think they have no flavour (which I don't know, maybe they don't) put them in anyways. If you are feeling inspired, cut the base out of the small onion. If not, then don't. Your soup, remember?

Bring this fabulous mix to a full rolling boil, reduce the heat to somewhere between medium and low, and cook it uncovered for about 1/2 - 1 hour. Strain out the vegetable matter, reserving the liquid (it's your stock, don't throw it down the drain).

While the stock is simmering away happily, you can start on the rest of the soup. Dice the celeriac, turnip and onion. Size is not so important as consistency. Try to get the pieces about the same size from one veggie to the next, otherwise by the time one is cooked the other will be total mush. Make sense? Slice the leeks thinly. In a large soup pot, either fry the bacon (four slices should do it) until it starts to get all soft, or melt the butter. Whichever you are using do not burn it. Brown the sliced and diced veggies in the bacon/butter. Turn the heat way down, cover and let it cook gently for about 15 minutes. Check your stock it's probably done by now. And just in time! Add your 6-8 cups of stock to the pot. Peel and dice your taters, add them to the pot. Simmer until all the veggies are done, depending on the size of dice this should take 30-40 minutes. Taste your soup. If you used bacon you might not actually need to add salt. If you used the butter, you almost definitely will be wanting a little. Either way, season to taste with salt and pepper. Temper the milk with some hot liquid from your soup (if you don't chances are it will curdle). Stir in the tempered milk and bring the soup back up to temperature but don't let it boil(mmmm.... curdled milk). To serve, place the croutons or toasted bread on the bottom of a soup tureen, cover with shredded cheese (I leave the amount up to you), and pour the hot soup over it. If all goes well, the croutons should float up and be all covered in melted cheese. If this sounds way too complicated, you can put the soup in the tureen, put the toast/croutons and cheese on top and put it under the broiler to melt the cheese. Or you can just toss some croutons and cheese in your soup bowl. Or skip on the croutons and have some nice crusty bread with it instead (this is what I usually do).

So anyways, that's it. I hope it didn't seem too intimidating. It's really a very simple recipe, shouldn't take more than an hour or so to make. Well, maybe just a bit longer. But for the last 30-40 minutes you can sit on your butt and watch t.v. or make a salad to go with it... The soup I mean, not the t.v. I (oh frabjous day) have my camera back, but I have no actual photo of this soup... I'll try to take some food-related photo in the next few days to add to this post for visual interest.

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And It's Lovely Rice Pudding For Dinner Again

So... I've been working as a chef in a conference/retreat centre for the last few months. As with most things in my life, it's something I just kinda fell into. It marks the very first time in my experience that I got the job because of who I know and not necessarily because of what I know. Which is not to say that I can't cook. As it happens I'm damn good at my job. And the biggest surprise of it all? I really, really like being a diva chef. I always thought it would suck to be in charge, as I've never liked telling other people what they should do. I think it boils down to the fact that I really hate it when someone (just about anyone) tells me what to do... But anyways. The whole not liking to tell people what to do really doesn't work when you're trying to run a kitchen. I'm no Chef Ramsay (he's just plain mean) but the kitchen really can't be a democracy. So I've learned to give directions to the rest of the staff, to juggle menus (not literally -there's not often time for that kind of crap), and to tread lightly in the minefield of interpersonal relationships in the workplace. It's taken me a while to get truly comfortable with the job, and I'm sure that time will continue to throw curve balls my way. God knows I've struck out a time or two. I just about caused WWIII by telling the prep cook that I didn't really care how the tomatoes were diced so long as they got diced in the very near future... In any case. I guess that's it. I was thinking about writing this whilst mopping today -not one of my official job duties, but I end up doing it most days anyroad. I'm sure I had some kind of quasi-coherent ending planned out, but I no longer recall what it might have been... So I guess I'll just end it now. Abruptly-ish. And hey, I'm thinking of posting some of my recipes. Lemme know what you think ok? I am still without my camera so a picture will just have to wait...

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Holy Cow

It's been so long since I blogged I find myself incapable of beginning in any coherent fashion... I mean, it's been a while hasn't it? Don't really know exactly why it is I stopped blogging... It's not that I didn't think about it. Mind you, it was usually really late right before I fell asleep and I'd think about something to say, but apathy just seemed to take over and nothing got done. I started a few posts, which will now never see the light of day, but just couldn't find it in me to finish them. I think maybe I'm developing severe ADD or something... Not that I can't concentrate. All I've been thinking about these last few weeks is SNOWBOARD SEASON IS ALMOST HERE. And yes, I have been thinking about it in bold, italicized, rainbow-coloured capital letters. I really don't know what to say, my obsessions rarely last longer than a year or so. Except for my travel/photography/kayaking/tai chi obsessions. Those seem to be terminal cases. In any case. I have a new goal in life folks: I am going (how I'm not entirely sure) to snowboard my way around the world. I figure I can kill three obsessive birds with this stone: travel, photography and of course, risking life and limb sliding down ridiculously steep snow-covered surfaces with both feet strapped to a slab of fiber-whatever it is they make snowboards out of these days. I have half-assedly planned my route: Start the season at home (hidden motivation: not to miss Christmas with the family -guaranteed to make me happy to be on the road for several months) and make a quick detour through the States. Then Europe starting west in Scotland (I have this vision -granted probably completely unrealistic- of hottie scotties boarding in kilts) and working my way east across Andorra, France, Switzerland, Italy, Austria, Turkey and the like, before heading into Asia. Russia, Kazakhstan, India (sweet Buddha, how I love that country), China, Hokkaido... A short break back home just to remind me why it is I love to travel and then head way south: Chile, Argentina, Australia and New Zealand... Now I just need to find funds for my trip. Personally I think it would make a pretty rocking reality show: "Solomon Slip-Slides Around the World". The tagline could be "How many concussions will it take before permanent obvious, lasting brain damage sets in? Tune in next week..."

Well. I guess that's it. Nothing more to add. Except, I bought a new boarding jacket off ebay today. Pretty psyched about that. And I'm buying a banana board in time for Mt. Washington to open... I have no really good pics to put up, and certainly nothing relating to snowboarding my way around the world, so I'll put up one of my favourite photos from this past year...

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A Rant to Start the Year

So... I recently finished reading the Twilight series of books. I'd never even heard of them before the movie, so I guess I'm a little behind the times on the mass "Edward and Bella" hysteria thing, but really that's not a surprise... I saw a trailer for the movie, decided that people leaping from one tree to another looked cool and went to go see a vampire movie in an actual theatre (usually vampire films are saved for the brightest, sunniest, happiest days of summer). In any case. I guess the theatre's descriptive label of "Horror/Romance" should have tipped me off.. It was pretty bad... I mean, it wasn't supposed to be a comedy was it? Distasteful teenage angst aside (self-absorbed teenagers with an over-inflated sense of the importance of their little dramas make me want to spew chunks), the movie was filled with really awkward-funny moments like this one:

I mean, these are supposed to be the cool, beautiful people. He looks like someone who should be riding the short bus. And she looks like she's wondering why the hell she got stuck with him.

In any case. I did read the books. Can't really say why, I have no excuses whatsoever... They suck you in, makes it hard to put them down... Ignoring the total deus ex machina near the end of the last book, there's one thing that really pissed me off about them. Can someone tell me how is it even vaguely acceptable that these vampires go around killing animals like mountain lions and grizzlies? I mean really, these are seriously endangered species in some areas. And does it not mess with the entire ecology of an area to kill off the apex predators? Just how many grizzlies and mountain lions can there possibly be running around on the Olympic Peninsula? Couldn't the vampires just eat deer? What the hell, they'd be doing the entire globe a favour by feeding on humans... After all we are as a species overpopulating the planet and destroying the environment beyond any hope of redemption. A little vampiric population control might actually be in order...

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A Change in Weather

God it's been a long fall.  It feels like it hasn't stopped raining for years, possibly decades.  Say what you will about not having to shovel rain.  Anyone who says that obviously hasn't had to spend much time raking wet, rotting leaves off the lawn...  And really, that's about all I've been doing lately, that and walking the dogs in the incessant rain.  But hey, things are looking up.  I think I actually saw a star tonight when I was shutting the ducks up for the night.  Maybe it's safe to stop construction on that Ark for the time being...

Meanwhile, back at the ranch,  my most un-favourite time of year is hastening it's way towards me.  Yep, it's that time of year again.  Christmas.  Bleh.  I ventured into the attic today to fetch down my old dollhouse which this year is being refurbished and gifted to my nieces.  I give it two weeks before they trash it...  But I digress.  While I was up there, tripping over the detritus of my family's life I grew a wild hair and decided that maybe, just maybe, we should ditch some of the junk.  I decided to get rid of some of the old sports equipment we'd used as kids.  No one, anywhere, ever, is going to want size 13 ski boots that were probably second hand when we used them 30 years ago.  So I gathered together several impossibly small ski boots and tossed them.  Along with dozens of unused boxes and bags.  My best find of the day:  5 million pairs of skates.  I shit you not.  This is all the more surprising because I skate like I have seven legs all trying to go in different directions.  It is not a pretty sight.  And I'm pretty sure that my brothers aren't much better. But maybe it's a good thing I've found them, because hell is freezing over in Canada.  It seems likely that next week our current government will be defeated by a non-confidence vote and our country will be led by a coalition between all the other parties in parliament.  It's been a pretty entertaining to watch the minority government scrambling to save their sorry asses.  I hope they don't.  Because in a coalition government people would actually have to work together and listen to each other.  It's almost as good as proportional representation.  Plus, there's the whole irony of being led, in part, by a bunch of separatists.  How awesome is that?  And people say that Canadian politics are boring...

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It's All Care's Fault

Really I should be sleeping, as tomorrow starts at 4 a.m. and I'm already three weeks worth of severely sleep deprived, but I thought I'd check out Care's blog and somehow I ended up doing this as a result...  Thanks Care, that was several minutes worth of amusing.  And now I really must go to bed.

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How Stupid Do You Think I Am, Anyways???

I guess I should preface this whole thing by saying that the title is a rhetorical question, so for the sake of my rather delicate ego, please don't answer. I'm pretty sure that I've already ranted about chain emails a time or two, so I'm sorry to revisit this topic again, but I swear to Gitche Manitou it's only cause people keep sending me retarded emails. Just this morning, I got this little gem in my inbox:

Try this....

This is really freaky

MIND GAME

2% or 98%

This strange.... Can you figure it out?

are you the 2% or the 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! No peeking ahead!!!

Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow...

There's no trick or surprise. Just follow the instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can. Again as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them... really.

Now scroll down, but not too fast you might miss something.

Think of a number from 1 to 10

Multiply that number by 9.

If the number is a 2 digit number then add the 2 digits together.

Subtract 5.

Determine what letter of the alphabet corresponds with the number you ended up with.

Think of a country that starts with that letter.

Remember the last letter of that country's name.

Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.

Remember the last letter of that animal's name.

Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.

Are you thinking of an Kangaroo in Denmark eating an orange?

I told you this was FREAKY! If not you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with Kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise. Keep this message going, this one is actually worth sending on to others. Forward it to people you know to find out if they are usual or unusual.

So here's the thing. No matter what number you pick to begin with, you're always gonna end up with 9.

1x9=9

2x9=18; 1+8=9

3x9=27; 2+7=9

4x9=36; 3+6=9

etc.

etc.

So no matter what your original number, once you've done the math and subtracted the seemingly random 5 you end up with 4. Which of course leaves you with the letter D. And so far as I know, there are currently only 5 countries in the world that start with the letter D. What's the first that comes to your mind? Denmark, you say??? What a surprise!!! (And I say bonus points to you if you know the other 4 countries)

So here's what I have to say to whoever it is who devised this little "mind game":

Can I figure it out? Why yes, I do believe I did.

Am I the 2% or the 98%? Based on a world population of 6.6 billion my calculator tells me I am 1.51515152 x 10(to the power of) -10% of the population.

Am I usual or unusual? Well, the few friends I have think I'm pretty weird.

What really cheeses me off is that this is set up to be really clever and to make people feel stupid or ordinary or not special when they do think of kangaroos in Denmark eating oranges. And let's face it, none of us wants to feel as if we are only just ordinary.

Which, no doubt is the reason why the person who sent this to me somehow ended up thinking of yaks eating kiwis in Hungary. Which would suggest that they either have deplorable math skills, or they randomly picked a country other than Denmark after doing the quiz and coming up with the Danish, orange eating roo, all just so they wouldn't fall in the dreaded category of being "usual".

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Hey Diddle Diddle

Hey diddle diddle

The cat took a piddle

The cow walked out of the room

The little dog barfed and turned out the light

While grandma belched out a tune...

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Can't Hardly Wait

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Mr. Yellow Sexy Boots

Well. I guess I should start out by wishing everyone a happy Canada Day, although I have to say that as a Canadian overt displays of patriotism make me feel kinda... Uh... I dunno, unpatriotic? Uncomfortable at the very least.  Still, it should probably be said.  I think I blogged last year on Canada Day and said nothing about it except to whinge about Stephen Harper which, when you get right down to it, is probably one of the great unifying factors of our nation.  That and complaining about Toronto. In any case, got other stuff to go on about now so I guess I'm done with the whole Canada thing.  I finished school last week with the second highest portfolio grade in the class, missed top spot by .5%.  Maybe I should have put more effort into it.  But still, when all is said and done I think my portfolio was the most creative and original in the class so I'm not too worried about it.  Now to find a job...  I moved back home on Saturday, which was traumatic to say the least.  I fit everything in my little blue civic except my bike (thank you Kim and Paul for the loan of garage space for that one) and my old snowboard boots, which I just plain forgot.  My car was so full I couldn't see out any windows except the front one, although things seemed to settle a bit as I drove along.  I really didn't want to leave Comox, and I'm having a hard time geting back into the swing of things here in Deroche.  Guess I'm just gonna have to find work and quit feeling sorry for myself.  Still first chance I get, I'm moving back to the island...  I'm gonna try to go there for the winter just so I can snowboard, although as is the case with most of my plans, that'll probably fall through.  Still, you gotta follow your dreams, right?  Or maybe you gotta pay your bills...  Can't remember which it is.  In any case.  Thought I'd post a few random videos and photos from my last Tofino trip, just for the sake of interest.  I'll start with Mr Yellow Sexy Boots.  I put this on youtube last night, with the tags BC, Boots and Tofino and it's already been commented on by some random stranger.  Which really makes me wonder how the hell they found it in the first place.  In any case... I'll shut up now.  

Presenting Mr Yellow Sexy Boots:

And now for video footage of the drive:

And Jackie, at Dana's after grad:

And just for shits and giggles, Tyler pumping up my air mattress (I only promised not to put it on facebook):

And on a slightly sadder note, my final trip up Curtis Road:

 

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Catching Rainbows

O.k. So I haven't blogged in a long, long time. People are actually starting to complain. Well, complain might in fact be too strong a word, but it has been noticed and commented upon by two or three of my six quasi regular readers. That's right folks, you read it correctly, six quasi regular readers. My stock's going up in the world. Speaking of worlds you are no doubt all desperately curious to know what's been happening in mine. The answer, as always, is not really very much. And as always, you're gonna get a rundown anyways. What the hell, I've got ten minutes before I leave for the bright lights of the big city of Nanaimo.... Quit laughing and pick yourself up of the floor. Yes I'm going to Nanaimo tonight to see the new Indiana Jones movie. And compared to Comox, Nanaimo is pretty fecking thrilling. That's how dull my life is. I've accepted it, and kindly request that you do the same.  No need for any comments along the lines of  "you need to get a life..."

So here's what's happened to me since my concussion in no particular order:

• I rolled my boat in the surf. It was fun. And slightly scary. Which in retrospect is probably why it was fun.
• I caught some weird flu bug when I came back to Comox from Deroche. I couldn't eat anything for 5 days. It sucked.
• I argued vehemently with Paul Bailey.
• I caught a rainbow.
• I got rather intoxicated at Dana's and rode my bike home. On the way back I stopped and had a conversation with a deer. He ignored me.
• I attempted to play the bagpipes. Dana's dog tried to run away from home. Coincidence? Who could ever say for sure?
• I have spent at least a dozen hours of my life listening to Mr "let me tell you all about ME" in class. That's 12 hours of my life I'll never get back.
• I have discovered, thanks to Tyler (all bow down before Tyler), the free bubble shooter game on the internet. My new dream is that from now on, all of Blair's classes will be in the computer lab so I can play this instead of pretending to listen to him. Really I shouldn't be so mean. He's a good teacher. Honest. I am a bad person. BAD.
• I got my pictures in the front window of the Muir Gallery in Courtenay. Because I rock. Also because no one else really wanted that spot. But I did have to fight Paul Bailey in order to get it. So it still feels like a victory.

So that's about it. My ten minutes are up. The bright lights of Nanaimo and a geriatric Indy beckon...

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An Injury for March

Like most other people out there, I'd like to believe that I am making progress of some sort or another in my life.  Sadly, the older I get the more I find my self repeating the same cycle over and over ad nauseum.  I thought I'd made a big leap forward in the past twelve months.  Afterall, I finally came to the realization that I was not cut out for office work, or tour guiding work, or social work (as it turns out possibly not cut out for work of any sort).  In any case.  I guess what I'm trying to say is I've made some huge changes in my life, and you would think it would follow that as a result I would break free of past cycles.  Except, apparently not.  I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure that last year, just about this exact time, I was sitting down to type out a blog about my repeatedly sprained left ankle.  I'm happy to report my left ankle is just fine folks.  The swelling never did go away completely, but whatever.  I'm happy enough that it's functional and supports all my weight without any pain.  So no sob story about sprains.  Oh no.  This year I'd like to tell you the tale of a how I twisted my knee and concussed myself, all in the same 48 hour period...  So.  Last Thursday I head up the mountain, all glad that it was snowing and having a grand old time.  Sure, I couldn't see more than two feet in front of me, but I actually think that's why I was nailing all my turns (I couldn't see down the impossibly steep mountain, therefore I was not afraid to point my snowboard towards certain doom).  All went well until I tried to get on the Whiskey jack chair for another run down the hill, at which point in time I somehow managed to spin around so I was facing the chair as it sped towards me.  I had visions of missing teeth and fractured jaws, but I managed to recover my footing.  Mostly.  My board caught in the snow and I twisted my knee rather painfully.  Thus ended what otherwise would have been a perfect night of boarding.  I was pretty gimpy the next day so I took Friday as a day of rest, ignoring Tyler's advice to "ride it off" (I'm pretty sure that only works when you're nineteen years old).  Still, Saturday rolled around and I was feeling pretty good, so off I went.  I was doing pretty good, trying to get in as many runs as possible before heading to the college art show. I check my watch, 7:30.  Time for two more runs.  I decide the green run's probably best, I can work on my turns.  I ignore the man standing outside the Mountain Tek yelling at his son to "shut the hell up and get over here", crank my ipod, strap on my board, and I'm off...  All goes well for about 50 metres.  I turn around, catch an edge, fall.  And holy feckin' shit I hit the ground like a ten megaton nuclear bomb, right on my head.  God it hurt.  Cringe.  I empty my stomach (so glad I stopped at McShits on the way up), and slowly, slowly, sit up.  Pretty sure I'm swearing a blue streak by this point in time. And there up at the top of the trail is the family who'd been shouting at one another as I left, all standing around and staring at me.  Bastards just turn around and leave.  So I take off my helmet and check for any obvious dents or holes in the back of my skull, unstrap my board, limp back to the car. Somehow manage to take my boots off.  Get in the driver's seat and flip open my phone to check the time. Realise I can read it with my right eye only.  7:44 p.m.  I try again with my left eye, it reads 7: 4, a bright white spot obliterates the middle of anything I look at.  But I figure what the hell, I can see good enough out of my right eye, I can do this. I set off down the mountain, the lights from the ski runs leaving jagged, flashy trails of red and blue light across my vision.  So I go slowly, and it takes me a good 40 minutes to make a 20 minute drive.  I head straight to the clinic only to find it's closed, but since the supermarket's right there and I'm out of milk, I make a little stop.  Buy the milk, get some pineapple juice (an impulse buy that made perfect sense at the time), and decide that I should also check out the art show, since I went to the trouble of submitting a couple of pieces.  Run into a few classmates, but can't stand the god awful noise and light of the place so I leave.  In the parking lot I run into an old teacher and his wife, and after a rather confused conversation with them I decide that really I should go to the hospital.  So I do, only to sit there for two hours, trapped in the noisy hell that all emergency wards seem to be.  Doctor threatens to keep me overnight, so I lie, tell him I'm going to a friend's.  At this point in time I'd be happy to die if only it means I don't have to listen to the other patients and the nurses...  Worst moment of the night:  I phone my mother, tell her what's happened.  Listen to her say "I told you so".  Not in so many words, but you get my drift...  I'm happy to say I'm on the mend.  Tired all the time, still have a headache and the occasional moment of vertigo, it hurts to laugh, or cough... Sneezing is excruciatingly painful.  But still.  At least I can see out of my left eye again.  And I'm looking forward to the weekend.  Another chance to go boarding.  I thought it only appropriate that for this post's picture I feature the helmet that probably saved my life.  I don't think I would have walked away from this one if I hadn't been wearing it. Best $33.00 I ever spent in my life.  Never mind that when I wear it I look like I should be riding the short bus...

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A Post for February

So.... Once again it would seem that I have let my blogging slide. I really have no excuse, all sorts of interesting things have happened in my world recently. Why, just last week I went for coffee at a Paintball business, where we were served by a singing, one-legged man who barked like a dog. No word of a lie. No doubt my four quasi-regular readers must be wondering why I haven't written in so long. I suppose there are any number of reasons. For one, I've been busy writing something else, a work of fiction (gasp!). Not too sure where it all came from, never mind where it's going but it is consuming the time I would normally reserve for this blog. Also there is my whole snowboarding obsession to consider. Now that I've bought a season's pass for night boarding I feel compelled to go every night I can. Need to get my money's worth you understand. Overwhelmingly though, I think I've come down with a case of terminal apathy. Though maybe not, as I am apparently still capable of feeling jealousy. Like for example, several people I know are right now, as I type this, off wandering the globe in exotic-sounding locales. Dammit. It's just not fair... So I'm sure you all get why it is that I haven't been writing. Oh yeah, and school. Quite busy with that too. I'm actually writing this in class... Very poor form that. I should go. Adding a random picture for visual interest.

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Oh My Aching Arse

When I decided to take up snowboarding everyone I told warned me it was going to be a painful experience.   They were wrong.  Despite countless spills and scrapes I always felt pretty decent after boarding.  Until Friday, which turned out to be a banner day for wrecking things.  The first thing I hurt was my poor sorry arse which took such a bruising that I am still today sitting on a cushion.  I hit the ground so hard I got an instant headache, even though my melon didn't touch the ground.  I tell you, that's just not right.  72 hours later I still have a headache, nothing too bad but it's just not going away.  I think I gave myself whiplash.  Just to put this whole thing in perspective for you (yes my four quasi-regular readers I am addressing this blog to you) I was at the bottom of the ruddy bunny hill when it happened.  Then, to make the night complete, I somehow managed to rip the bottom of my left boot, I think when I skidded to a very fast halt in an attempt not to flatten some schmuck who had the great misfortune of falling on their arse right in front of me.  I somehow ended up standing on the back edge of the board on one foot.  I had no idea my board could bend like that...  So now I have to find a new pair of boots to go with my click-in bindings...  I'm feeling very sorry for myself...  But still looking forward to heading back up the mountain as soon as possible.  Hopefully I can get new boots by Thursday.

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A New Obsession for 2008

People often criticize me for being obsessive.  I rarely say anything to them about it, but it kind of bugs me.  First off, it's my life, and I'll live it the way I please thank you very much. Secondly, just because they might happen to be  jaded and bitter about the world that surrounds them doesn't mean that I have to be (and you'd think they'd notice that I was nice enough not to point out their lack of enthusiasm, but no).  Maybe it's just that when I do something I do it with all my energy.  Whatever.  There is a point to all of this.  I have found a new obsession to go along with the new year: snowboarding.  I really can't explain it because at any given moment (if I stop to think about it) I am terrified by the thought of sliding down a mountain with both feet strapped to a single board.  So every time I arrange to go up the mountain with someone I have to psych myself up.  And then there I am, sliding down the mountain at an incredibly high rate of speed still totally, completely freaked out of my mind.  And inevitably I fall, usually on my ass (so far my all time coolest trick is to fall on my ass, do a backwards somersault, stand up and keep going), but sometimes right on my face, and on one memorable occasion rolling sideways down the hill, which is somewhat less fun than one might imagine when you take into consideration the fact that I had 149 cms of fiberglass and wood attached to my feet. Still, the pain of those moments is fleeting, and I get back up and keep on heading down the mountain. And I always have an awesome time.  So much so that I really wonder why it is I waited until now to learn to do this.  It could only have been easier if I'd started 10 years ago.  On a bit of an aside, learning to snowboard was a 2007 New Year's resolution.  I might be 12 months late, but I'm finally getting it done.  In the hopes that 2009 will bring another breakthrough of a similar sort I hereby resolve that 2008 will be the year I get into disgustingly great shape, find a dream job as a travel photographer, meet the man of my dreams and win an obscene amount of money on the Super7 or 649 (which I realize will require that I actually buy tickets).  Oh, and I resolve to be nicer to everyone too, even if they bug me. Look out 2009. Here I come.

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Happy New Year, I Guess...

Another day, another dollar. Happy New Year to my three quasi-regular readers. I extend sympathies to those of you who spent the end of the old year sick with flu and the like. I myself have been disgustingly healthy, despite an overindulgence in holiday sweet stuff and what has by now become a massive sleep debt (made possible by the generous support of Mackenzie. Thank you Mackenzie). But anyways. I'm back on the island, oddly enough I heard someone playing that old Baha Men song "Back to Island" while I was waiting at the ferry terminal on New Year's day (you know, it goes: "Wake up early one morning kiss my mama goodbye, going back to the island I say, don't worry mama don't cry". Or something like that). A truly twilight zone kind of moment. I had big plans to go snowboarding today, but I crashed yesterday when I got out of class, slept in this morning and as a result my snowboard is still in need of a wax job. Plus it's storming outside, and despite the fact my place is smaller than a squashed shoebox I feel very disinclined to go outside or really even open the blinds.  So here I sit in my dark abode, typing away at the computer again...
I don't know about you folks, but I have as yet to make any New Year's resolutions. Not that there aren't any number of self-improvements that I should be making, it's just that I have been seized by apathy. Maybe it's a hangover from spending so much time with family. Christmas day aside it was good to be home, but if I could do over again I would go to Deroche later in the month, and return here earlier... Things did improve after Christmas, slowly but surely. Of course, they would have been hard pressed to get any worse. Christmas 2007 is the first time in my life when I said I wanted to kill a child and actually meant it with every single fiber of my being...  Not that I would ever hurt a child. But for a while there, I totally got people who drown their children in a fit of madness.
In any case... Starting to feel bitter again, so it's probably best to let that particular dog go back to sleep... It would seem that I have once again written a blog about absolutely nothing (is anyone else starting to sense a pattern here?). I'll add a random picture for visual interest, in case this absolutely riveting entry fails to grip you all on it's own...

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I Hate Christmas

I really do. I try to like it, but inevitably the day turns to shit. Why can't it just be a day like any other? I'm tired of nasty comments directed my way by people who ostensibly love me. I'm tired of people talking about me like I wasn't there. I'm tired of greedy little children. In retrospect, I'd like to retract my last post. It's not good to be home. I'm tired, tired, tired of staying up til 1 in the morning just so I can have the place to myself for a little while. I'm tired of Mackenzie peeing on the toilet seat, never putting it down, waking me up every single morning at the feckin crack of dawn, teasing my dogs, and acting like a boob every night at dinner ("mom, why do you love me so much?") Gag. For the love of god, I'm trying to eat here... I'm so very, very tired of always having to tell him to behave himself, with absolutely no lasting results. And if I have to listen to the theme song for the Berenstein Bears one more time I'm gonna have to go find a bridge to jump off of.
So maybe I'm a grinch. or scrooge. No wait. They, after all, "saw the error of their ways", and realized just how wonderful Christmas is. A prevailing myth in our society. That's never gonna happen with me. And that's because Christmas has nothing to do with love and peace, it's about blatant commercialism and revisiting all the reasons why family members hate each other. So here's my promise to myself, my solemn vow: next year I will be somewhere far, far away from here at Christmas time. No tree to set up, no relatives to put up with, no stress of pretending I give a shit when really I don't.

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So good to be home...

Well folks, I've made it through the first half of the year... For a while there I wasn't sure I was gonna (and I'm trying to ignore the fact that the next half is more sort of like the next two thirds). So far so good, haven't failed anything. Despite the occasional mid-class argument, my inability to not speak my mind, and my tendency to stomp through life in oversize steel-toe boots (that's me, all the grace of a backwoods logger). I'm so glad to be back home in Deroche, land of neighbours-who-know-far-too-much-about-my-business and children-who-don't-care-about-my-privacy (or for that matter their own privacy -everyday I wake to the sound of Mackenzie taking a leak, cause for whatever reason he doesn't feel the need to close the door to the can. so i lie in bed and listen. wait for him to go back to his room. then yell at him to go back, flush, put the damn seat down, and wash his hands). Today was Alexandra's birthday, can't believe the little monster is seven already. Children are rather awkward in that they are a daily reminder that time truly is passing and that you're getting old. If the kids weren't getting bigger (and sometimes it seems like they get bigger by the second), I could conceivably look in the mirror and see the same person who was there five years ago... Not that I regret aging (hafta admit it beats the alternative) it's just that I'm starting to feel it. Maybe. Just a little. And I gotta say it doesn't help when a 6 year old asks you your age and then says "wow, you're REALLY old" when they hear your answer. Although I also kind of think it's the fact that since I'm no longer hanging out with people a decade younger than me that my rather hasty regression to my very early twenties has made a sudden about-face. In any case. This is about nothing, and apparently it's going nowhere so I'm just gonna stop. One of these days I'm gonna set up my Mac and get connected to the internet. One of these days. Until then, no pics from me. Sorry.

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